my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
