New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
