So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
