Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
