Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
