After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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