oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
