I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
