The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
