she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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