Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
People with herpes should wear stickers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
