anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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