Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
