I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
