how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
