:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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