woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
