my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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