Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
