just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
