so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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