There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The feeling are messing with the penis
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
