I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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