ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
