Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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