I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
