how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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