Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
