I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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