i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
