i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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