I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
