watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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