I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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