man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
