I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize