One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
