There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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