woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
