i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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