just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
