Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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