i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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