I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
