We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
