I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
