i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
