woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
