Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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