I CAN MOONWALK!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize