Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No stitches, just platelets and will power

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(916): View more from California

I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"

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(303): View more from Colorado

They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...

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