Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
