well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
