I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
