your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
