Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just tell him i said nine months
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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