My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
