So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
