dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
