Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
