1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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