By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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