He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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