mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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