I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
