pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
