I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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