You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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