508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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