I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
