enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize