She said her name was "party"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
