I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
