I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
