he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
