lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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