You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
vagina is talking i cant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
