my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
