She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
