Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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